his smile
by izukillme
Summary: The various smiles of Natsu Dragneel, through the eyes of one Gray Fullbuster – and the one smile of Gray's that Natsu loves. For mdelpin.


_01._

Gray speaks for the first time, cutting through Erza's worried tirade. His dry throat itches as he asks, "What's our battle plan?"

Natsu is quick to respond as ever with a, "I'm going in, blasting the hell outta those Dark Wizards, and getting out of there. Gray, you're with me." He turns to Gray, and smiles widely.

It is a blinding, white grin, fit for a son of sunshine like him. It sets Gray's body on fire and makes his palms sweat, heart pounding against his ribcage. It's an irresistible call, strong and loud and proud, just like Natsu when he wears that smile. Confident, like he can do anything.

And in such a moment, staring into those determined dark eyes, Gray really believes he can.

_Because Natsu is smiling, and everything is right with the world._

* * *

_02._

"You can't possibly be-"

Natsu turns to look at Gray, then, and he is wearing a small, naughty smile. A smile that tells you nothing good can possibly be going on in that pink head.  
Gray's nerves tingle with warring anticipation and fear for what Natsu is going to do next - but that smile suits the Fire Dragon Slayer too much for the fear to take over, and it beckons Gray to join him in whatever mischief he is planning; and somehow, before he knows it, Gray is breathlessly laughing, running hand in hand with Natsu, both exhilarated by the crazy prank they've just pulled and absolutely _terrified_ by the thought of what Erza is going to do to them.

But then Natsu smiles again, that same mischievous grin, and the terror is driven out of Gray's mind like a fly being shooed away.

_Because Natsu is smiling, and everything is right with the world._

* * *

_03._

"Are you… okay?" Gray asks cautiously. He knows he's treading on unsteady ground – _oh, he knows it better than anyone else._

He knows that this question is meaningless, that the obvious answer is "no".

But still, he cannot bring himself to keep silent; not when Natsu, glorious, fiery, fierce Natsu, is so dull and quiet and listless.

Natsu turns his head to smile at Gray, but it's a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. A smile that to an outsider might have been reassuring; but that to Gray, is horrifyingly forced.

"I'm totally fine."

Gray's world tilts, and spins, and his stomach is churning.

_You're not_, he wants to scream. Wants to throw something at Natsu, start a fight, just get that stubborn ass to _admit it's not all right_, because losing a father not once, but _twice_ – only Gray knows how raw such a wound can be.

It's so confusing, and so terrifying.

_Because though Natsu is smiling, nothing is right with the world._

* * *

_04._

"They're… gone,"

Natsu's voice is numb, and Gray's heart aches at how _hollow_ he sounds.

"I – I'm sorry," he offers lamely, knowing it will do nothing to comfort this grieving boy whom he loves, but saying it anyway, just to fill the ear-shattering silence that cannot be reconciled with one as vibrant as Natsu Dragneel.

"_No,_" Natsu says, sounding frustrated. "Don't you understand? I don't _want_ to be told that you're sorry! I'm here because you're the only one that would understand, that wouldn't give me meaningless words of pity. Because you _know_ what it's like to lose everything, and still be strong."

Gray jerks.

"What? I'm – I'm the farthest thing from strong. I'm cracked, and weak, and broken." he says quickly. "I'm only just learning to stop hiding my pain. I'm not strong, not at all,"

"But you _are_. You're strong enough to lift your head up and – and move forwards, and I just need someone like that right now, someone who won't offer me their apologies – god damn it, I need Gray Fullbuster, the closed-off asshole who'll thump me on the back roughly because he understands! Who'll lay out the next steps of what we need to do because he _knows_ that I need something to let myself move on, instead of letting me wallow in – in self-pity, and I-"

He chokes on his own words, and then he is crying.

_Natsu_ _Dragneel_ is crying, soft sobs that send silvery tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Shit," Gray says, only half-aware of what he speaks, too busy thinking of ways to comfort Natsu. "Hey – don't cry,"

_Stupid, Gray,_ he berates himself. 'Don't cry' is the worst possible thing you can say to a person who is weeping.

"I have to – be strong," Natsu cries, wiping at his streaming eyes. "There are so many more powerful wizards in the guild, but everyone looks to me because I'm the one who never gives up. So – I have to keep moving. I have to find the way forward."

"You – you don't." Gray finds his voice again. "Bottling it up is the worst possible thing you can do. That Gray was not, _is_ not, the Gray you need right now. I used to be so emotionally constipated; I'm only just learning how to feel – but this me is who you need. You want the me who'll ignore your emotions, but that me is gone, Natsu." Sometime during this speech, hot tears have begun to flow from Gray's own eyes, but he ignores them and soldiers on. "Giving up sometimes, it's all right just so long as you don't give up completely. You're human; you're allowed to lose control of the way you feel. Right now, you need a person who'll understand you, who'll let you cry. Who'll hold you and tell you maybe it's not all right, and maybe it never will be, but that it gets a little better with time. Who'll let you feel your feelings – who doesn't see you as the light of Fairy Tail, but as my equal. And I want to be that person for you; if you'll let me."

Natsu does not look up, but his shoulders begin to shake harder.

Gray awkwardly scoots closer to him and puts an arm around him, patting his back gently.

And is surprised beyond belief when Natsu wraps both arms round him and pulls him close, crying into his bare chest. Holding him as if he is the only thing left in this world.

Gray can't say he doesn't like it.

It's a while later when Natsu's tears finally stop, both of their butts numb from the uncomfortable position they are sitting in. The Dragon Slayer lifts his face, still sticky with tear tracks, and wipes it messily on his scarf. He gets up without a word, and Gray, dare he say it, is maybe just a little disappointed.

But then Natsu turns, and there's a sad smile on his face that makes Gray's heart fracture and glues it back together all at the same time. It's sorrow and sadness on his face –

But it's also hope.

"Thank you," Natsu says in a trembling little voice, and then he walks off in the general direction of the guild, and Gray is left sitting on the now-cold bench, insides tingling with something bitter, and yet sweet.

_Because Natsu is smiling, and maybe things aren't completely right with the world yet, but they will be soon enough._

* * *

_05._

"We did it," says Gray breathlessly, the heat of the battlefield and the metallic smell of blood of no consequence. Now, all that matters is that they have won this war –

_And that they are all alive._

"We did it!" he bellows his victory –_ their_ victory – to the skies. Beside him, Juvia smiles.

"Lucy," she whispers. "Natsu. Cana. Lisanna. Erza, and Mirajane, and Master. Let's go find the others,"

He grins and limps along behind her, content to go at this slow pace as long as he knows they're all safe.

They walk for a little while, and then suddenly a pink blur is all Gray can see as Natsu rushes at him, leaping onto him, warm lips covering cold ones in a heated kiss that speaks of fear and relief and love.

"You're alive," the Dragon Slayer sobs as they pull apart, foreheads still touching. "You made it. We all did."

"Yeah," Gray says, unable to stop his voice from shaking just a little. The strength that had filled him moments ago is gone, replaced by a weakness that floods his whole body, the weakness of disbelief. "We really did."

"You're an idiot," mumbles Natsu. "But – I think I love you." Their eyes meet, and the honesty and sincerity in both the words and Natsu's dark irises prompt Gray to say it without even realising it.

"I think," he says, "I think I love you too."

And a true, pure smile makes its way across Natsu's face, and to Gray it is as if the long-coveted dawn is breaking over the dark plains of his heart, that had known night for as long as anyone could remember. A heavenly light shining down upon the bleak, hopeless earth that is him, gracing it with the steady, soft, but fierce beacon of hope that is Natsu Dragneel.

"_Gray_," he says, and hearing his own name said like that, full of love and want and need, gives Gray the chills.

For the first time in a long time, they are _good_ chills.

And Gray cannot help himself - a smile spreads on his face, slow and real and truly _happy_, God knows when he last felt that way, and grateful for everything he has.

He smiles, because he has Natsu.

He smiles -

_Because Natsu is smiling, and everything is right with the world again._

* * *

_+01._

Natsu's breath catches in his throat like cloth catching on a thorny bush when he sees Gray, whole and relatively unharmed and _alive_, and suddenly all he can think is _Gray Gray Gray_, his heart beating to the tempo of the Ice-Make Mage's footsteps, his feet moving of their own volition almost as he rushes to Gray, catching the taller boy up in his arms and kissing him for all he is worth.

"You're alive," he sobs, unable to hold back the embarrassing tears that flow, boundlessly, down his cheeks. "You made it. We all did."

"Yeah," Gray says, and Natsu detects a slight tremor in that beautiful, rich voice that he lives for. "We really did."

"You're an idiot," Natsu sniffles - the truth.

And then, "But - I think I love you."

He's not even surprised at himself anymore - he knows he is prone to doing the most unpredictable things around Gray. What surprises him is the utter honesty in that statement. He can't be sure of it - not yet - but he really thinks he loves Gray.

"I think," says Gray, and Natsu's throat goes dry as he realises what the taller is about to say next, "I think I love you too."

Natsu's heart explodes in fireworks, leaping and screaming in joy, over the moon.

All he can say, breathlessly, is, "_Gray_,"

The Ice Mage does not respond - but then a smile spreads over his face.

It's a slow smile, soft, true; something Natsu has _never_ seen on Gray's face. Gentle and sweet and really _happy_ \- an emotion so rare to see on him.

And at that moment, Natsu knows he would do anything to get Gray to smile that smile.

So he stares at it, stares as long as possible, and vows to learn all the ways to make Gray smile like that.

Because if Gray is smiling, Natsu is happy.

_Because if Gray is smiling, everything is right with the world._


End file.
